Just caught an old episode of cold case season IV on tv. Pretty cool stuff. Almost forgot how it used to be like with CSI and others taking crime fighting to an all new level(read: technological).It's titled lonely hearts, story summary's basically about an asshole excuse of a human who goes around lying/seducing unattractive females and manipulating them to commit crimes for him, including the eventual murder of 2 of his victims.

But thats digressing. What really caught me about the show was how vulnerable people are when they are in love. The show caught on the right angle because unattractive females tend to be the prime target for such predators. Maybe it's too much grande philosophy, but it really does gets me thinking about society and socialization. For all the good therapists are(one level below politicians if you ask me), i don't think anyone can really help them, or that they really want to be helped in anyway. Being born unattractive is not a crime. It's not a fault either. But judging by the way society et generale treats them, a being from another planet might mistake unattractiveness as a legality. It's not that i don't do it myself, which makes me a greater pig because i'm writing this, but the fact is i don't even know why i do it anymore. The kind of isolation, he kind of discrimination, and it;'s not as if i don't know how it feels to be treated like worthless garbage.

When you try to sympathize with them, it's wrong too, because thats pity. And if anyone knew any better, they'll tell you that it's not pity they need, and that for even feeling that they should be pitied makes you a pig by proxy as well. To actually contemplate the idea that they require pity would be like saying they are flawed, when they are really not. They might be better functioning human beings than say charles manson, or therapists. Fact is they're just like us, in every odd and even way. That gives them every single right to be loved like a normal person.

And hence the conclusion of everything is that it really worked me up emotionally when i was watching the show, but the fact that such inhumane things actually exists in our society, such exploiting bastard excuses of a person, it just tweaks something inside me. Makes me an atheist, because no god should allow for such makings under their hands, and if such a god indeed exists that could create such a monstrosity, then i'd rather believe in nothing than something. And for all the god damn episodes of cold case, this is the 1 that kathryn morris shouldn't belong in. Could she ever hurt the story more with her looks. It's just like what one of the victims said, they might as well be on separate planets.

That aside, ever really wondered what it means to truly love someone? I reread an old harlon coban novel today(the final detail). There's this part in the book where the main character's dad gave him the talk about finding the right 1 to settle down with which i found meaningful. He basically says that he went through life learning alot of stuff but at the end of the day, there's only 1 thing that really mattered, and that was marrying the right person. He goes on to say if you think about, marrying the right person would almost solve anything,, like being in a bad job, but having the right person beside you will help you pull through it. It's not about how the person looks or think or feels, though it does matter, but what it comes down to, is the everyday life. Can you imagine living with this person, lying in bed at 3 am on a too small mattress in a too warm room with the baby crying next door. Can you imagine paying bills with this person, stuff like that. Got me thinking too. Might be nice to be able to think so rationally. Then i had to watch that cold case episode on t. Between the plot an d kathryn morris, the blog entry that was originally supposed to be about the book stood no chance.

Kudos to those who actually read through this. Leave a thought or 2.

By the way the episode had an old track by heart titled "alone". Go take a listen. It's damn eerie, how it seemed so well fitted for the show. Cheers.


    

Sometimes the simplest flaws in a person just irks me. It's like being handled the wrong way or when you can't stand certain habits that might not be as troublesome to other people. For me it's the act of having to "repeat myself". I don't get why i should be made to repeat myself since the 1st time around of which i tried to convey a message i always make sure to review the statement before i make it, thereafter crafting the sentence into an appropriate structure that comprises and encompasses all that i wish to convey, and finally either typing it out just as meticulously or enunciating it in such a way that even 3rd graders would be able to understand my message in all it's entirety. In fact i even take the time to insert proper words and sentence/language structure to ensure that there would be no misunderstanding due to double entendres. And since i took such time and measure to ensure the proper conveyance of my messages, then i make an automatic assumption that if i should be made to repeat myself, then it is obviously the fault of the receiving party, whose failure to listen/read in detail causes me the inconvenience of having to repeat myself.

And under normal circumstances i would be able to endure such nonsense because sometimes words just float pass others and it's just a fact of life which i have to deal with. However if it happens consistently at a constant rate to one single particular unique individual, then obviously there is something else to be read from such actions. I would poll everyone who reads this and i believe that the nominal answer i would receive is that the person either
a) does not care in general what others have to say
b) can't read/understand english
c) has a disability that prevents complete absorption of details in a message (probably psychological)
d) does not give a damn about what i have to say
be it any of the above, i find such a person extremely disgusting and in lack of manners. Surely anyone who says something(well almost anyone) would have taken time to think about what to say and how to say it. The blatant ignorance, followed by a request to repeat themselves more than necessarily, is to me the greatest disrespect a person can give communication wise.Sure you're wasting both your own time, of which is primarily your problem since you're the cause, and mine, which is ridiculous.

And all that just applies to said sentences. Imagine having to repeat TYPED messages on a consistent basis when in conversation with this particular person. Surely there's something known as the scrollbar or a message log which if used for reference purposes when referring to typed messages. If you have to repeat yourself after typing the same message just 3-4 lines above, i feel that it's pretty obvious that you're either being patronized to an almost insulting degree, or that the person isn't even reading your replies, which is a much worst insult. It happens with SMSes, it happens with msn conversations, with such a consistent basis that i'm beginning to feel that either i'm hallucinating my replies/messages, or the other party is blind. What does it take to miss a simeple 10 word or less sentence 3 lines up in a conversation window. I'm sure we all know. It doesn't take a genius to figure out either. And it doesn't help that it's someone close to you who's being so incourigible.

I've had to live with such an asshole for 3 years. I don't know if i can survive another 3 years of repeating myself over and over again. Such minute details, such a simple matter of reading a message properly. If i can take the time to think about what i want to write AND write it down, surely you can take the time to read it well. If not then whats the point of any conversation at all. Might as well be talking to walls or ping pong balls.

Sometimes i don't understand why people lie about the pettiest of all issues. I do not get the logic behind it at all. It's not as if by NOT lying some great harm or loss would be incurred. However by perforating this minor lie, there will be an indeterminable amount of harm being incurred, depending on how severe the situation avalanches into. It's not that some great good has been accomplished either. It is simply a meaningless deed which by no means comes from an ignoramus origin and can only result in disaster. And yet there are actually people who choose to lie like that. Let me give you a 1st hand example of 2 people in a conversation whom i will conveniently name 1 and 2

1 says : I didn't see your message because my handphone was in my bag.

2 says : I would've come down if you had replied to my message.

1 says : I knew i'll be staying late so i didn't reply.

If you fail to spot the obvious error in the usage of words here let me show you how badly the lie has been covered up. If the handphone was in the bag, the reply should've been "i didn't see the message so i couldn't reply". This shows how easily some people can trip over their own words in just the duration of 51 seconds. This also display the fact that there are some people who should never lie because their lies are just so badly constructed that calling it lying would be an insult to lying itself. Lying can be an art, if properly though of and structured so that all corners are covered. Such attempts should of course be used for the greater good (general disclaimer kind of thing). However it proves that 1) there is no point in lying poorly because you'll eventually be found out and 2) there is no point in lying about petty issues UNLESS you have something to hide. And given the fact that you've, by benefit of doubt, made a seemingly irrational and minor lie, you are actually exposing yourself to reasonable doubt. It could have been viewed as snce you already made a lie to cover up something which MIGHT seem petty, maybe there is something more devious behind it which requires you to create such a bad lie. It might just be that you are a conveniently bad liar. I hope this shows how important it is to 1) Lie properly in the correct circumstances of course and 2) Not try to lie about something that isn't worth the lie, especially if you know you're a lousy liar, or if you're trying to lie to someone who can read you like an open book written in his most familiar language. Honesty is always a much treasured (and abused) virtue.